lunes, 26 de febrero de 2007

Reason Why Mormon kids Aren’t Getting Married (and its not because they are hanging out too much)


It may seem like people are constantly getting married all around you but the truth is that more than half of graduating students at BYUI are still single. The presidency of the church is very concerned with the lack of Mormon kids getting married and therefore have come to the decision that Mormons are hanging out too much instead of going on dates (Dallin H. Oaks, “Dating versus Hanging Out,” Ensign, Jun 2006). I completely agree to this conclusion but I would also like to ad that a major reason for the lack of marriages taking place is the lack of emotional intelligence on the part of the boys.
Women are more oriented toward discussing and understanding feelings than men. And they are that way because they have had an enormous head start in acquiring these skills since childhood. As John M. Gottman, a scientist on marriage and family explains, “When young boys play run-and-chase games with girls, their priority is the game itself-not their relationship with each other and their feelings. But for the little girls feelings are paramount.” Along with their other games in childhood, boys don’t include relationships and domestic themes in their repertoire. While No pre-school dress up corner would be complete without a wedding dress, you never see pretend tuxedos for the little grooms. “Because their play emphasizes social interactions and feelings, girls undergo an extensive education into emotions by childhoods end. Boys learn to pitch overhand.”
The difference is heightened by the fact that as they get older, boys rarely play with girls so they miss out on the chance to learn from them. “By age 7,” continues Gottman, “friendships between boys and girls drop to virtually zero percent. From then until puberty the sexes will have little or nothing to do with each other.” And I would submit that within the Mormon culture the sexes have even less to do with each other for much longer than that. You aren’t allowed to date until age 16 and then most parents try to teach their sons to not steadily date anyone until after their mission. And then we come to the time period of being a missionary where rules are strictly enforced that boys should hardly converse with girls of the same age whatsoever.
The two year mission time period also alienates some boys in building up very think walls of a comfort zones around them when it comes to not having to talk to girls. It is very hard to knock down these walls after being a missionary for two years and upon returning home, dates feel like being suddenly immersed into an alien world.
A friend of mine commented to me once that throughout his whole life he was raised by his parents telling him, “don’t date, you have to go on a mission,” and then as soon as he gets home from his mission everyone is asking him, “hey, way aren’t you married yet?” What do you expect from someone who is 21 years old but has the emotional intelligence of a 7 year old? So the reason behind Mormon kids not marrying as often is not due to hanging out too much; that is just one of the causes. The major cause is that the Mormon way of raising boys is inherently flawed in that it raises boys in way that they do not develop the emotional skills necessary to adapt to dating and marriage.
So what is the solution? Girls: be patient with these boys that are very unfamiliar with feelings. Boys: its crunch time to learn as much as you can, as fast as you can, before you wake up one day 30 years old and still single.
(Source: The Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work, John M. Gottman.)

13 comentarios:

Daniela dijo...

"The two year mission time period also alienates some boys in building up very think walls..."
I think you meant to write thick walls...not think walls. Right? I mean...how would i know, I'm not even american.

89xjnidaho dijo...

so true. i think you should add to the list that Mormon girls are stupid They cant accept the 'good guy' that come around and even at age nineteen and twenty play the dumb games of cat and mouse just like they did in elementary.

Marc Jorgensen dijo...

you've been saying this for a while. I noticed you got some quotes from some interesting books like Blink- Hey did you read that book by Gottman or just quote it?

Anónimo dijo...

What? Mormon Girls are stupid?
Yeah, I'm dumb mormon girl who called off my engagement because he would rather read and play on the computer than communicate and spend time with me. He'd even rather have most of our conversations via text and email.
I'd rather be a Stupid mormon girl then married to a computer or cell phone.

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